Just A Little Something

I just feel the urge to write something, anything but with a little catch... What's the catch? I don't want many people to read it.. Why? Because what I am going to write is just something I feel at the current moment.. It may change the next minute, who knows.. And surely only Allah knows.. 😊

So, what am I feeling right now? I am feeling that I am unworthy of romantic love.. By romantic, I meant love between a man and a woman with the intention of getting married to one another. Honestly, I always wanted to have this kind of love.. But, unfortunately, I am so unlucky in this area..

I am surrounded by family and friends who love me for me and of course I love them back, sincerely and 'lillahi ta'ala'.. But I never experienced 'romantic love.' Okay, I did date briefly, very briefly in Germany.. Reason? FOMO.. And I felt guilty to my ex at that time.. If felt that I am just using him.. I am sorry.. And I think he understood.. How briefly? Less than a month, huhu..

I don't know why, but I always have this view on romance. If I want to date someone, that someone must be my husband. How to explain? I only date with the intention of marriage. No playing around. In my mind, I only want to date around three months, get to know each other, ta'aruf and then, marry. I prefer love after marriage.. I want to do it the right way, way according to Islam.. I need to study more in this actually..

So, I just stop here because I the urge to write is no more, huhu.. It's already midnight and I need my beauty sleep.. For those who read this (I don't think there is, haha), forgive me for blabbing nonsense.. Good nite all, sweet dreams... 💤❤️