i want to tell it to someone but honestly i don't know to whom i should tell it. i think the only one who knew about this is none other than the One and Only, Allah for He is All Knowing. He knows everything. aside from Him, i don't really think others know my current feeling. i fell like i have to let it out because it is burdensome. since, i'm not sure how to express it verbally/vocally, i decided to write it down here. i knew that nobody really reads my blog and this somehow made me comfortable to write it here. most entry i wrote are mostly for my own eyes to read later. something that i documented for myself.
sometimes, i read my previous entries and i knew my condition when i wrote it ie whether i'm ok, maniac and depressed. i also write in an old style, actual, written and can be held journal/diary. that one is really for eyes only. just know that at this very moment, i just write whatever that came from my mind. i h ave a lot of things to get done. nope, actually i only need one thing to get done and it's my final thesis for my master. honestly, i feel like giving up. i just want to throw everything out the window!!! i just don't care about getting a master degree at all! end of story! but during this crucial time, Allah sends me motivation on the form of my friends. they encourage me to get going because they are struggling with it too. seeing and knowing that i'm not the only one struggling motivates me to start again.
but, i'm really in the procrastination zone. everytimes i start something, i end up leaving it and doing other wasting time things. it seemed like i'm jeopardizing/sabotaging myself. it's like throwing myself into doom! my current mood is unstable. sometimes i laughing amd the next second i'm crying. i've been having this mood swings for a couple of weeks. like i mentioned above, i don't want to tell it to anybody for i really putting up my cheery and happy faces in front of them. there's a lot of thing i want to write, but suddenly i want to stop. i just wan to end this entry with this, i may be smiling of the outside, but i am tearing myself on the inside.
