I do have anti-social mode once in a while and i really don't know what really caused it. What i do know is when i'm in this mode, i wouldn't want anything to deal with the outside world meaning i would just stay in my room (luckily enough my room was equipped with build-in toilet) and cut contact with the outside world meaning i would shut down all communication devices, at present only my phone and my laptop. If i'm lucky, this mode would surface during weekends or holiday, if i'm unlucky like yesterday, it will surface during my working days and i had to sacrifice my leaves to accomodate it. I couldn't just go see a doctor and asked for a sick leave because i'm in anti-social mode though perhaps my psychiatrist will understand. Then again i wouldn't just go running to him when he just announced i'm stable, would i?
So, two days had been cut out from my yearly leaves. So, you are interested with what i do during this mode? Usually, i just slept through the day AND night! I would wake up wondering the date and time. I usually look at my phone for the date and time, since it's off, i usually just guess and hope it us right. I wouldn't want to turn my phone on because i still don't want to socialize. Usually, the most worried person when i'm in this mode is my mother. She's the only constant person in my life that would call me. Others? Well, they all prefer me to do the calling and i usually wonder why. Honest be told, i usually received call from somebody when they want to ask me for a favour with a few exceptions. Very few actually. Of course, i don't mind doing them the favour if i could, but sometimes i just wish people would really call me just because they are interested in knowing how i am. Well to think again, i'm not being fair. I call lots of people only when i need their favours. Then the saying what goes round comes around is totally true.
Well back to my anti-social mode, besides sleeping, i would do some reading and dvds watching. When i'm hungry, i sneaked into the kitchen, usually when everyone else is asleep. If i'm forced to meet people in this mode, they will definitely see the DARTH VADER side of me. Now, u understand why i have to hid from the world. I keep thinking that this mode would be ok right now because nodody is really depending on me. But it worries me a lot if this mode keep on continuing even when i'm married and have family and children on my own. How will my husband cope when i'm this mode? How will he explained to the children that mummy is unavailable at the moment and the children knew i was just in the bedroom, why wasn't i unavailable? My husband just couldn't tell them that mummy is currently 'cuckoo' and wouldn't function well, could he? Well in this moment, i just hope that what i'm experiencing currently is just hormonal. Once married (hoping someone will have me with the 'cuckoo' side), it will gone! That's all for the moment and thank you for having read it.
