betrayal

i seldom read back what i wrote; blog entries, exam answers, assignments, diaries etc.. but when i got spare time and in the mood, i'll read them back. of course not the exam answers and assignments. just the blog and diary entries. the first thing i realized about my blog is, i could immediately identify when i was depressed and when i was manic by the number of entries i wrote that year. if a doctor want to study bipolar, i think i would recommend him/her to study my blog, hahaha!!! the entries in my diary (ooo, i still keep one) follow the same pattern.

and sometimes, i couldn't even believe that i am the one that wrote that entry! it's like reading someone else's word/story. but after a few moment, the truth will slowly seeping in. reading my depressed entries still made me cry, reading my manic entries made me shaking my own head at all the grandiosity. i'm trying my best to move forward and forget my dark past! but the dark past doesn't want to be forgotten. it is always there, lurking and waiting to come out when i am at my weakest.

the feeling that you won't be able to forgive certain persons that abandoned you the moment you needed them the most will resurface. but then, you'll remember the few that stood by you and brought you back to life again. and you'll realize the dark past is necessary to filter the people that worthy of your attention. you'll be able to forgive BUT you will never able to forget. things will never be the same even after you allow them back into your life. you won't be able to trust them again. so, this is a reminder to us all, never betray a person's trust. whomever that had been betrayed will truly understand what i meant because like the saying, i've been there and i know what it felt like!

ps: i'm supposed to write my assignment but i'm writing this instead, haha.. typical me!