destination: kota bharu, kelantan [12 february 2019]

so, we had another all girls (#smstj99ners) trip to kota bharu kelantan. before this, we went to kuala terengganu. i missed the trip where they went to penang. originally, there would be 11 of us. end up, they were only 7 + adib (armi's 6 yo son). olin couldn't make it because she's still in confinement. we booked the ticket one year earlier as always and her pregnancy wasn't planned then. mozac couldn't make because she's transferred to kota kinabalu. our trip was only one day, in the middle of the week! so, it's hard for her to join. reena couldn't join at the very last minute because her leave wasn't approved. fine almost face the same fate, huhu.. and finally, ogy! she's find it hard to leave her children for couple of day. so, there were me, miss a, fina, faiz, qissie, armi + adib and tiefa.

i went to putrajaya the day before with my parents and slept at miss a's house. on d-day we met qissie and putrajaya central and took the first erl to klia2. we were the fist to arrived followed by faiz, tiefa and armi. fina barely made it. she got flat a flat tire in front of mitsui outlet and had to take grab. we we just started to perform subuh prayer when the final call was announced. so, we rushed along and prayed in the flight instead.

we arrived safely around 7:30am. while waiting for our rented van (with driver and we called him bob), we took time to plan our itinerary for the day. so, we agreed on having our breakfast first at kopitiam sri cemerlang (bob suggested it for us). there are so any food we could choose from. so, each of us chose a different menu and sharing them around (this is the habit since our boarding school years) but each on uf ordered the famous breakfast menu in kelantan, roti titab.

our next stop is tak bai. we took boat from pengkalan kubor and crossed sg golok by boat. the trip took only 10 minutes and the fee is only RM3/pax. it was like pasar tani (morning market). there are shops/stalls that sell various things from food to clothings. we did our very shopping here. we were there for a couple of hours.

we then proceed to have lunch at restoran nasi ulam cikgu but stopped to take picture at masjid al-ismaili. after lunch, we learn to canting batik at muzium kraftangan right beside the restaurant. done with that, we did our next shopping at pasar siti khadijah. while shoppin, we were worried whether or not all our bought stuffs are allowed to be carried in the flight since we didn't booked any checked-in baggage (alhamdulillah, we did..😂). once satisfied with our purchases, we went to pantai senok which is also known as malaysian nami island just to take photos.

our final stop for the day before freshening up at our booked homestay was warung acu tera. we bought our dinner there. bob sent us back to the airport around 8pm. this trip is really meaningful since we got to share each other stories. it is like therapy for us. we gossiped, we laughed, we recalled back our sweet memories and many more. we are like sisters from different parents and this is what 25 years of friendship should be felt like...💓💓💓

[SONG] Wendy ~ What If Love [Touch Your Heart OST]

*Source: YouTube [1theK]

moreuneun geot tuseongi

soljjiki nan eoryeoweo Umm

taiming geuge mweonji

wae meottaero kkoineunji

So much that I don’t know

Honestly, it’s hard

I don’t know the right timing

Why do things keep messing up?

georeumi neurin nae mami

himeul naeseo neol jjochawasseo

han baljjak danneun gose

naega isseo mweol mangseorini

My heart has slow footsteps

So with all my strength, I chased after you

Each step you take

I’m right there so why are you hesitating?

Ooh love love is mweolkka What is love?

Ooh love eotteokalkka What if love?

amado naneun neol

Ooh love love is, what is it, what is love?

Ooh love, what do I do? What if love?

You’re probably my

One one one my one

The only one one one you are

If this is love love love if love

eotteokalkka eotteokalkka

What if this is the love

One one one my one

The only one one one you are

If this is love love love if love

What should I do, what should I do?

what if this is the love

hanchameul neol barabwa

nae mamgwa ttokkateulkka Uhm

yeokshi jal moreugesseo

yeojeonhi cham eoryeoweo

I’m looking at you for a while

Wondering if you feel the same way

Of course, I really don’t know

It’s still so hard

georeumi neurin nae mami

himeul naeseo neol jjochawasseo

han baljjak danneun gose

niga isseo mweol mangseorini

My heart has slow footsteps

So with all my strength, I chased after you

Each step you take

I’m right there so why are you hesitating?

Ooh love love is mweolkka What is love?

Ooh love eotteokalkka What if love?

amado naneun neol

Ooh love love is, what is it, what is love?

Ooh love, what do I do? What if love?

You’re probably my

One one one my one

The only one one one you are

If this is love love love if love

eotteokalkka eotteokalkka

One one one my one

The only one one one you are

If this is love love love if love

What should I do, what should I do?

angaega gadeukan neowa na saien

bunmyeonghan ge hana eopjana

na neoreul weonhamyeon ganjeolhi baramyeon

gyeolgugen na neoyege daeul su isseulkka

It’s so foggy between us

Nothing is clear

If I want you, if I desperately want you

In the end, will I be able to reach you?

One one one my one

The only one one one you are

This is the love love love I know

This is the love this is the love

I know this is the love

*lyrics from Colour Coded Lyrics

[BOOK] bipolar through words of author melody moezzi

ps: i shared these on my fb and ig account. it seems that, eventhough i openly mentioned that i'm bipolar a few times before, only when i shared these that many people are only aware about it now. all of them are very supportive. a few of them even asked the event in details. there is nothing to be shamed about if you're suffering from mental illness.

quran verses in my burnt notebook

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ

In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.

Surah Al-Baqarah [2] The Cow

وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ ۖ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ ۖ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُوا لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُوا بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ - 2:186

And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near.

I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me.

So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.

Surah An-Nahl [16] The Bee

فَلَا تَضْرِبُوا لِلَّهِ الْأَمْثَالَ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ - 16:74

So do not assert similarities to Allah. Indeed, Allah knows and you do not know.

قُلْ نَزَّلَهُ رُوحُ الْقُدُسِ مِن رَّبِّكَ بِالْحَقِّ لِيُثَبِّتَ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَهُدًى وَبُشْرَىٰ لِلْمُسْلِمِينَ - 16:102

Say, [O Muhammad], "The Pure Spirit has brought it down from your Lord in truth to make firm

those who believe and as guidance and good tidings to the Muslims."

ثُمَّ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ لِلَّذِينَ عَمِلُوا السُّوءَ بِجَهَالَةٍ ثُمَّ تَابُوا مِن بَعْدِ ذَٰلِكَ وَأَصْلَحُوا إِنَّ رَبَّكَ مِن بَعْدِهَا لَغَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ - 16:119

Then, indeed your Lord, to those who have done wrong out of ignorance and then repent after that

and correct themselves - indeed, your Lord, thereafter, is Forgiving and Merciful.

Surah Al-Isra' [17] The Night Journey

رَّبُّكُمْ أَعْلَمُ بِمَا فِي نُفُوسِكُمْ ۚ إِن تَكُونُوا صَالِحِينَ فَإِنَّهُ كَانَ لِلْأَوَّابِينَ غَفُورًا - 17:25

Your Lord is most knowing of what is within yourselves. If you should be righteous [in intention] -

then indeed He is ever, to the often returning [to Him], Forgiving.

وَلَقَدْ صَرَّفْنَا فِي هَٰذَا الْقُرْآنِ لِيَذَّكَّرُوا وَمَا يَزِيدُهُمْ إِلَّا نُفُورًا - 17:41

And We have certainly diversified [the contents] in this Qur'an that mankind may be reminded,

but it does not increase the disbelievers except in aversion.

رَّبُّكُمْ أَعْلَمُ بِكُمْ ۖ إِن يَشَأْ يَرْحَمْكُمْ أَوْ إِن يَشَأْ يُعَذِّبْكُمْ ۚ وَمَا أَرْسَلْنَاكَ عَلَيْهِمْ وَكِيلًا - 17:54

Your Lord is most knowing of you. If He wills, He will have mercy upon you; or if He wills, He will punish you.

And We have not sent you, [O Muhammad], over them as a manager.

أَمْ أَمِنتُمْ أَن يُعِيدَكُمْ فِيهِ تَارَةً أُخْرَىٰ فَيُرْسِلَ عَلَيْكُمْ قَاصِفًا مِّنَ الرِّيحِ فَيُغْرِقَكُم بِمَا كَفَرْتُمْ ۙ ثُمَّ لَا تَجِدُوا لَكُمْ عَلَيْنَا بِهِ تَبِيعًا - 17:69

Or do you feel secure that He will not send you back into the sea another time and send upon you
a hurricane of wind and drown you for what you denied?
Then you would not find for yourselves against Us an avenger.

وَمَن كَانَ فِي هَٰذِهِ أَعْمَىٰ فَهُوَ فِي الْآخِرَةِ أَعْمَىٰ وَأَضَلُّ سَبِيلًا - 17:72

And whoever is blind in this [life] will be blind in the Hereafter and more astray in way.

Surah Luqman [31] Luqman

وَمَن يُسْلِمْ وَجْهَهُ إِلَى اللَّهِ وَهُوَ مُحْسِنٌ فَقَدِ اسْتَمْسَكَ بِالْعُرْوَةِ الْوُثْقَىٰ ۗ وَإِلَى اللَّهِ عَاقِبَةُ الْأُمُورِ - 31:22
And whoever submits his face to Allah while he is a doer of good -
then he has grasped the most trustworthy handhold. And to Allah will be the outcome of [all] matters.

Surah As-Sajadah [32] The Prostration

فَلَا تَعْلَمُ نَفْسٌ مَّا أُخْفِيَ لَهُم مِّن قُرَّةِ أَعْيُنٍ جَزَاءً بِمَا كَانُوا يَعْمَلُونَ - 32:17
And no soul knows what has been hidden for them of comfort for eyes as reward for what they used to do.

قُلْ يَوْمَ الْفَتْحِ لَا يَنفَعُ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا إِيمَانُهُمْ وَلَا هُمْ يُنظَرُونَ - 32:29
Say, [O Muhammad], "On the Day of Conquest the belief of those who had disbelieved will not benefit them,
nor will they be reprieved."

Surah Al-Ahzab [33] The Combined Force

هُوَ الَّذِي يُصَلِّي عَلَيْكُمْ وَمَلَائِكَتُهُ لِيُخْرِجَكُم مِّنَ الظُّلُمَاتِ إِلَى النُّورِ ۚ وَكَانَ بِالْمُؤْمِنِينَ رَحِيمًا - 33:43
It is He who confers blessing upon you, and His angels [ask Him to do so] that
He may bring you out from darknesses into the light. And ever is He, to the believers, Merciful.

Surah Asy-Syura [42] The Consultation

وَالَّذِينَ يَجْتَنِبُونَ كَبَائِرَ الْإِثْمِ وَالْفَوَاحِشَ وَإِذَا مَا غَضِبُوا هُمْ يَغْفِرُونَ - 42:37
And those who avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they are angry, they forgive,

ps: honestly, when reciting the quran with its translation, it felt like Allah is speaking directly to me.

each time i had problems, questions or doubts, the answers are given directly to me from the quran. btw,
if you could refer back to my previous entry on emergency phone numbers, you may understand
more on what i meant. i'm not a pious person. i'm far away from it but i'm trying my best to become one.
i may have my good and bad day. during my bad day, my faith will be tested. for example,
during my depressed moment. where i thought that life is useless and i have no reason to be alive anymore,
the moment when i would want to commit suicide, Allah's words are the one that really prevent it.
i'm very very grateful to be borned as a muslim and i pray hard each day that i'll die as a muslim as well.
this is one of my favourite verse from the quran. everytimes hardships come in my way,
i'll remember this verse;

لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَعَلَيْهَا مَا اكْتَسَبَتْ ۗ رَبَّنَا لَا تُؤَاخِذْنَا إِن نَّسِينَا أَوْ أَخْطَأْنَا ۚ

رَبَّنَا وَلَا تَحْمِلْ عَلَيْنَا إِصْرًا كَمَا حَمَلْتَهُ عَلَى الَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِنَا ۚ

رَبَّنَا وَلَا تُحَمِّلْنَا مَا لَا طَاقَةَ لَنَا بِهِ ۖ وَاعْفُ عَنَّا وَاغْفِرْ لَنَا وَارْحَمْنَا ۚ أَنتَ مَوْلَانَا فَانصُرْنَا عَلَى الْقَوْمِ الْكَافِرِينَ - 2:286

Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity.

It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained,

and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned.

"Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred.

Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us.

Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear.

And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us.

You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people."

[SONG] AAA ~ Koi Oto to Amazora

**Suki da yo" to tsutaereba ii no ni
I could just let you know that "I love you"
Negau saki, kowakute iezu
But I can't, because I'm scared of what will follow
"Suki da yo" to "Suki da yo" ga
All these words "I love you", "I love you"
Tsunotte wa toketeku
Keep growing larger, and then melts
Kimi to no jikan ga ichibyou demo nagaku naru nara
If my time with you will increase even by just a second
Zutto ja nakute ii
I don't mind if it's not forever
Negai kakeru koi-oto to amazora
I make my wish to sounds of love and rainy skies

Kimi to hanarete kara suujitsume no doshaburi no ame no naka
Few days after we separated, and I'm standing in this heavy rain 
Konna hi wa kanarazu kasa wo todoke ni itta
At days like this, I always used to bring you umbrella

Itsumo no machiawase no basho iru hazu no nai omokage matsu
In our familiar meeting place, I'm waiting for the traces of you that won't be here
Kasa mo sasazu, zubunure na kimi wa soko ni ita
But drenched in rain, you're here, without an umbrella

Kajikanda te wo atatameru koto ga mou ichido dekiru nara
If I could once again warm your numb hands
Hajimari no toki made modoritai
I want to go back to the beginning

"Suki da yo" to tsutaereba ii no ni
I could just let you know that "I love you"
Negau saki, kowakute iezu
But I can't, because I'm scared of what will follow
"Suki ja nai?" "Suki da yo?" ga
All these words "I don't love you?", "I love you?"
Yureru koi to amazora
Sway in the love and rainy skies  
Kimi to no jikan ga ichibyou demo nagaku naru nara
If my time with you will increase even by just a second
Zutto ja nakute ii
I don't mind if it's not forever 
Ame ga yamu made kono mama isasete...
Let me stay with like this until the rain stops

Shinjita ashita mo
Even the tomorrow we believed in
Kimi wa kako to warau no?
Are are you going to laugh at it calling it "past"? 
Nagashisaru chikara mo naku
Without having the strength to be washed away 
Ano hi no mama de jikan ga tomaru
The time stops where we left off that day  
Shizuku ga futatsu
Two drops
Kimi no hoho wo tsutau
Fall down your cheeks
Taezu yamanu ame no sei to koi-oto wa utau
The sound of love sings how it's the unstopping rain's fault

Machiyuku koibito ga urayamashiku omou koto ga fueta
I've grown to become jealous of all the lovers roaming around town 
Itsukara hitori ga kowaku nattandarou
I wonder since when I felt scared being alone

Demo ima wa tsukanoma no shiawase
But right now I feel momentary happiness 
Dekiru koto nara kono mama
If it's possible
Arifureta koibito-tachi ni naritai
I want us to be one of those mundane lovers

Kimi ga koko de nozondeiru koto
The things that you are wishing here
Boku ga koko de iitai koto
And the things I want to say here
Ima nara omoi mo kasanaru kana?
Could our feelings overlap right now?

"Suki da yo" to tsutaereba ii no ni
I could just let you know that "I love you" 
Negau saki, kowakute iezu
But I can't, because I'm scared of what will follow
Yokogao wo mitsumeteru
I'm looking at your profile now
Soredake demo  mou ii!
Just that, is enough for me!
Dakedo hitonigiri no shiawase mo
But that handful of happiness
Kimi ga kureta mono dakara
Is what you gave me
Hontou wa zutto dakishimeteitai
So truth is, I want to keep embracing it

"Surechigai mo, futari mou ichido yarinaosu tame no shiren" datte
"Passing by each other, is also a test for us to start over" 
Sugu ni ieru no nara  donna ni ii darou ka
If I could only say that immediately, how nice would that have been 
Suki to iu jijitsu toori sugite
Already gone beyond the fact I like you
Ima de wa mou aishiteiru
And now I love you 
Ushinatta suujitsukan de yatto shitta
I finally realized this in the few days I lost it 
Hontou wa kono mama kimochi tashikametakute...
And truth is, I want to confirm these feelings

Repeat**

[Lyrics from AnimeLyrics]

a close call...

i nearly escaped from a major disaster end of last month, on my birthday to be exact. recently, i've watched goblin (kdrama). for those who are familiar with this drama will know that eun tak blows candle to summon the goblin. so, there are a lot of scenes with candles involved and i found them to be pretty. so, i tried to recreate the scenes and lighted up a couple of scented candles myself. i went to sleep leaving them burned around 1am.

and then, around 4am, i woke up to the smell of smoke. and guess what? there was fire. my notebook was burning (stupidly, i placed one of the candle on a notebook). smokes filled the whole room. i blew the fire out and then opened the window to let the smokes out and continued to sleep. bu, i woke up 30 minutes later, noticing there was still ember burning slowly. i took the notebook to the sink and let water washed out the flames.i was really grateful that nothing major happened.

one of the scene in goblin with beautiful candles burning

candle on the right causes the fire. as you can see, it was near stack of books that could burn easily. honestly, i did thought about the dangerous of it but still proceed with it thinking nothing bad would happen.

what left of my notebook

i used this notebook to write down verses from the holy quran i relate to. these pages were saved, only some of them couldn't be read. and because of this, i strongly believe it is a sign from Allah on the miracle of quran.💓

celebrating january and february babies..

well, this chinese new year holiday, we celebrated our family's january and february babies and they are:

syariq (8 january, 7 yo)

uncle D (11 january, 74 yo)

kak ani (25 january, 46 yo)

ME! (29 january, 36 yo)

kak sya (4 february, 44 yo)

danish (7 february, 14 yo)

we sang birthday song for each person and that's mean we repeated it six times, haha.. here are a few photos from the event.

and as usual, since i am a very lucky girl to be surrounded by loving families and friends, here are this year birthday presents.

i've received four set of nanoblocks (shop series)

my colleagues surprised me with cake on the day of my birthday

another block set from kak ala's bunch.. i already finished this and honestly, it's quite hard for the different types and sizes of the blocks, haha..

from izz and areef (abg ijan's and kak intan's bunch) and their wishes are so sweet and thoughtful.. kak intan even bought me 'kain baju kurung' today at jakel when i accompanied her there.. 

received by post, from fiza and yati, these two always manage to surprise me every single year with their gifts..

from abg ain's and kak ani's bunch, i love the unicorn light! it had become my night light!

i don;t have to worry about 'baju raya' this year, yay! kak sya's bunch gave me this beautiful 'batik' from terengganu..

this one is from miss a and rafiz, also received by mail! since they bought it from kinokuniya, i first thought that kinokuniya gave me a birthday present...

i also received lots of wishes via whatsapps and socmed. i cherish every single one of them. thank you all for wishes and presents. may Allah bless you and your family.💓💓💓