have u ever...

have u ever felt that u wanna run away as far as u could from anyone who knew u because u need some times alone?

have u ever felt that u are such a failure and u could never set things right again no matter how hard u tried?

have u ever felt that it's better for u to die than being alive just because by being alive u are being a burden to those people who loves u the most?

have u ever felt that u want to stay in your room forever, not wanting to have any contact with the outside world?

have u ever felt that you want to turn back time and made the done undone?

and all those time, u felt that ways, there'll be countless of advices saying that it's ok and everything will be back to normal! just hearing those words made u want to throw it back to the person saying it because deep down, u know that things will never be the same again. all those mistakes, all those harsh words cannot be undone. u just have to face the fact and continue moving on with those scars planted deep in you heart.

it's easy to give advice and emphatize with others but we all knew that we will never truly felt the things they felt. maybe you have the same experience but don't expect it would be exactly the same. so please remember to say the right word at the right time.

it hurts when hearing things like,'it's okay! it's nothing! you're okay! you are not really that sick. it's just the mind playing tricks on u! hey, i know u! u are not that kind of person!' eventhough u mean well, and i know there's not a single malice in those words (perhaps there is in certain people), i'm not okay and i will have to live with that my whole life... and i think only Allah knows who i really am since i'm a mystery even to myself most of the time...

but i'm still lucky for having so much people who cares and try their best to understand the situation i'm in. although i kept pushing them away especially my parents, they stucked to me like the atomic particles in the elements. they are my O to my O in oxygen, the are my O2 to my C in carbon dioxide and so many more. the same goes to my dearest friends... so, judge me if all u want but only a few judgments by a few chosen one will get to my thick and hard head!