help! i've been in a trance for quite a long time now! would u please tell me the year? haha, it's already 2010 dear! WAKE UP! see, that's why i haven't been writing anything. i was under a spell. the spell of sleepiness and witers block. even a blogger also suffers from writers block. eventhough, what we wrote was nothing compared to all those bestsellers. well let me rephrase it, what i wrote is nothing compared to all those bestsellers. a lot of things happened in my life. the obvious one is (for the people who can see me), i've became fat, very fat. got problems getting in old clothes. got to buy lots of new ones with the current size. so, honestly i dislike being fat. but, i also dislike exercising to not staying fat. bought a dance workout dvd, only done it twice. go for a jog in the evening after work. last for only one week. and my favourite past times doesn't help the situation either. u guess it! it's sleep. i slept most of the times. sometimes my wakr up time is less than my sleeping times. i think i have a sleeping disorder. perhaps, i should address my doctor again regarding this sleeping pattern of mine. one more important thing that i need to mention, i'm suffering from bipolar disorder. so, my doctor told me that i'm most likely have to take medication for my whole life. nice news eh?! erm, i've been taking lithium carbonate, olanzapine and seroquell. olanzapine is being changed to seroquell. one of the side effects of these medicines is weight gain. but i didn't blame all my weight gain to the medicines, mostly i blamed it all on my lazy lifestyle, hehe...
what else? erm, something stupid. i made up my mind to get married at the earliest when i'm 30 yrs old. think, i have gave up on love at the moment. hoping that perhaps, love will finally waltzing in my life when i am 30. other than that, i've read rick riordan books. it's great. the first book have been turned into a movir, percy jackson, the lightning thief. A invited me to watch the movie. find it good and bought all five books at once. bought it with my. my mum asking me about my financial state. i told her, i couldn't pay for my car installment because i've got to get a new phone. my previous phone is seriously 'sick.' so, my mum was confused when i still can buy books that totaled up to ca. RM175 and couldn't pay my car installment. history behind the car payments. the car was bought under my sister's name. during those time, she needed the car for a while. i agreed to use the car afterwards. so, i have to pay the monthly installment. but, knowing me my my 'thrifty' ways of spending, i didn't make the payment on time. my mother took over the monthly payment which is RM450. i have to pay only half of it, that's RM250. as for the road tax and insurance and all, my mother paid that for me. seriously, i don't know how to manage my money. my motto, got money, spend them! hate me is you must, but that's the truth. i don't have savings other than my tabung haji money. that's for haji of course. perhaps, one day i woke up and i changed into another person that can manage moneywell, although i doubt that. and one more thing, i think i have to make a loan from my sister if i want to make through to next payment. i'm broke as hell already.
back to the rick riordan books. i spent all my chinese new year holidays, finishing it. and it got me interested in knowing the greek mythology. my study is going on well eventhough my grade keep on slipping down and under, huhu... i still love reading comics. i still love dreaming about something i couldn't have. i hate my job, duh! doing the same thing all over again. i just doing it for the money and my mother and my medication as well. i think about killing myself at least once a day, which is quite normal for me. and i also think about the various ways i could kill myself. i think the easiest way is taking excessive amount of pills. wouldn't feel any pain, just drift to death. think again, not ready to die. not enough good deeds tohelp me in the afterlife. and suicide is definitely one of the ULTIMATE SIN. straight to hell, baby. do i believe in the afterlife? what kind of question is that? as a MUSLIM, i definitely believe in afterlife. all those times watching hollywood movies, defining their 'aferlife', doesn't change my thought at all. what else? i still want to learn japanese and sign language. i almost forgot my german. i still didn't know what to do with my life eventhough i'm 27 yrs old already. whine whine all along the way. i still love to read historical romance, once in a while, i read something informative such as self help books. that's all for my incoherent thoughts. until later! =)
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